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AUTHOR NOTE
--- This is a world where humans and trolls live together but still have a little bit of the hemospectrum-prejudice going on. Everyone in this story is over the age of 18. Thank you---


You are laying on your couch reading lemons on Deviant Art and your moirale/friend, Eridan, isn’t bothering you for once; life is good.

“Move your glub’n feet.” Eridan mutters as he moves your feet off the couch and sits down

Never mind, life is adequate.

“Okay, I’ll move them.” You immediately press a bare foot against his face.

“Cod Damn It!” he shoves your foot away only to have the other foot press against his face.

Once this mature battle ends, your feet are in the seadweller’s lap as he flips through the TV channels. He pauses for a moment on a soap-opera but glances your way and changes to a History Channel show about an old war somewhere. Just as you get to the juicy part of your lemon Eridan starts talking.

“You knoww, I’vve reely been thinkin’ about Feff, latly. I thin…mmff!”

That second sentence was muffled by the foot you literally put in his mouth. You really didn’t think it would work but it looks like Gabby-Gills has a big mouth. Your cell phone starts to vibrate. You pull it out and answer the call, fighting with Eridan the whole time.

Dualscar’s salty accent greets you “Lass, my bonny, you knoww that I adore you and wwou…”

“What do you want?” you interrupt

“Wwhy wwould you assume that I wwould be wwanting somefin from you, lass?”

“You’re laying it on extra thick today.” You say simply. Eridan is trying to yell to Dualscar for help but it’s difficult to talk around the foot in his mouth.

“You sea, lass, our hive exploded and I’m not dealing with the boys on my ship. They’ll make a glub’en mess of evveryfin. You are the only one that reely can put up with ‘em so you’vve got to keep ‘em at your hive.”

“Eridan has a foot in his mouth, your argument is invalid.”

“Wwhat?” he ignores your vague internet reference “Lass, you havve to wwatch ‘em.”

“How long?”

“A wweek at most.”

“Alright, but it’ll cost you.”

“I’ll pay it, Lass.” For a moment it sounds like he is talking to someone else “I’vve gotta’ go. I’ll call you soon. I’m shore you and the boys gill get along fine.”

“Don’t you mean swimmingly?” Eridan almost has your foot out of his mouth

“Yah, Lass” speaks away from the phone “Sea you soon, bye.”

*click*

Eridan shoves your foot away and grabs your phone “Dad! No! Anyfin but –Name--, I wwon’t survvivve!.. Dad? Say somefin!”

You hear the dial tone go off.

“Wweh!” Eridan cries to himself

“Such a big guppy.” You tease

The someone knocks on the door. You get up to open it. It’s Cronus.

“Vwhat’s up, doll?” he smiles, his unlit cigeratte dangling at the corner of his mouth.

That ciggerate is mocking you. It thinks it can dangle like that without any repercussions. No, no sir, not today. You literally put your foot in Eridan’s mouth you’re on a roll.

You flick the ciggeret out of Cronus’ mouth “Come on in, Travolta.”

“Hey!” Cronus looks for the cig.

You stand by the door “Come on, Slick, in or out?”

He slowly walks in “Hovw ‘bout in and out, kitten?” he looks at your pants then winks.

You mental face-palm ‘Gog, this is going to be a long week.’

I had this idea rattling around in my head so I thought I would share.
This is a non-serious story so I'm not aiming for every action to be
totally plausible.
Add a Comment:
 
:icongypaiecat2015:
GYPAIECAT2015 Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2015  New Deviant
This is literality how I would act with these two.
Reply
:icontweeterstwin:
tweeterstwin Featured By Owner May 5, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
The bad pick up line tho! I LOVE bad pick up lines! 
Reply
:iconxcookiesxvsxmuffins:
XcookiesXvsXmuffins Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2015  Student Artist
okay i'm in love with this. this is some of the funniest Fanfiction i've read in awhile!! well done!!
Reply
:iconeveechick9:
eveechick9 Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
How do we know which is which?
Reply
:icontheoneandonlypotato:
TheOneAndOnlyPotato Featured By Owner Oct 2, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Wait! Is there more!? Oh gog! *pouts* wweh! XD
Reply
:iconrachwantshercupcake:
RachWantsHerCupcake Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
“Eridan has a foot in his mouth, your argument is invalid.”
This... Is so... Perfect..
Reply
:iconapocalypseumbra:
apocalypseUmbra Featured By Owner Jul 24, 2014
I love this series so much! Bunny Emoji-10 (Loved) [V1] 
Reply
:iconyukibow:
Yukibow Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
I'm using "Eridan has a foot in his mouth, your argument in invalid" From now on... XD
Reply
:icongortonautumn:
gortonautumn Featured By Owner May 14, 2014
i love these 
Reply
:iconivyvines13:
ivyvines13 Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
'Eridan has a foot in his mouth, your argument is invalid.' I almost fell off my chair when I read that. You should add to this, it's completely amazing.
Reply
:iconnevillefluff:
NevilleFluff Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2014
This was adorable :iconattackglompplz: I especially loved the little argument Eridan and the reader had in the beginning XD Awesome job!
Reply
:iconcronusamporaswifey:
CronusAmporasWifey Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2013  Student Writer
i apologize for my husband's rude behavior. smh, that boy needs to stop making jokes like that...

lovely written, dear! very funny, and i love the amporas sense of humor.
Reply
:icontinybirdgames:
TinyBirdGames Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:iconlaughingplz: Reader so walked into that last line :grin: 
Reply
:iconroellish:
Roellish Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
General rule of thumb, don't mess with my feet
Reply
:iconrainbowteacup:
rainbowteacup Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2013  Student General Artist
xD
Reply
:iconflippysmostinsanefan:
FlippysMostInsaneFan Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
*heavy sigh* wow
Reply
:iconhomestuck-x-reader:
Homestuck-X-Reader Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013
good sigh or bad sigh?
Reply
:iconflippysmostinsanefan:
FlippysMostInsaneFan Featured By Owner Sep 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
good
Reply
:iconlucia-lileth-vladmir:
Lucia-Lileth-Vladmir Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013  Student Writer
I would push the moirailigence too far.
Like the actor of Doctor Who and his friend.
I'd be a friend with benefins
Baking them cookies n Brownies
Reply
:icondejathoris:
Dejathoris Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Omg this is hilarious! I think I've fainted. I'll be your huckleberry! Please continue Huggle!
Reply
:iconhomestuck-x-reader:
Homestuck-X-Reader Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013
I've got another up. It's the Wal-Mart one :)
Reply
:iconmenohavename:
menohavename Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013
I love torturing character~! >:] *Evil laughs and grins at Eridan* Come here little fishy, fishy, fishy~
Reply
:iconhomestuck-x-reader:
Homestuck-X-Reader Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013
Poor Eridan. He doesn't know what's coming :)
Reply
:iconmenohavename:
menohavename Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2013
Ohhh yes~! *Has his feet and hands tied together with duck tape covering his mouth.*
Eriden: *Trying to scream for help though the tape.*
Me: Shush my little fishy, soosh... *Pets his head before dragging him away by his feet.* >:9
Reply
:iconcapricornuss:
Capricornuss Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013
:iconpervycronusplz: that last 2nd to last sentence XD
Reply
:icon8shiroyuki8:
8ShiroYuki8 Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013
i love this start XD i can't wait for the next part :iconcutegamzeeplz:
Reply
:iconhomestuck-x-reader:
Homestuck-X-Reader Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013

Thank you :D

Im working on part 2 :)

Reply
:iconblackrosewhiterose:
BlackroseWhiterose Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013
love it!
Reply
:iconhomestuck-x-reader:
Homestuck-X-Reader Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013

Yay

I'm happy you do :D

Reply
:iconblackrosewhiterose:
BlackroseWhiterose Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013
mhm! cute little story you have here~
Reply
:iconmusicismylife7:
MusicIsMyLife7 Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013  Student Artist
PART 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????? Please?
Reply
:iconhomestuck-x-reader:
Homestuck-X-Reader Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013

Part two is coming soon.  :D

Gimme a little time. Part 1 isn't even 24hrs old yet

Reply
:iconmusicismylife7:
MusicIsMyLife7 Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013  Student Artist
Oh, sorry ^_^ Take your time.
Reply
:iconhomestuck-x-reader:
Homestuck-X-Reader Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013

Lol it's fine. :D

Reply
:iconsavingcapricious:
savingCapricious Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Please. Please make more of this. *puppy eyes*
Reply
:iconcarnivalofcrimson:
CarnivalOfCrimson Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist

writeitwriteitwriteitwriteitwriteitwriteit please??????


I love the Amporas, especially with Dualscar's over the phone begging.  I'm pretty sure I'm loving everything about this finfiction.


Also, don't you mean "trollvolta"?  *isculledfordumbpun*

Reply
:iconandrea-hiddleston:
Andrea-Hiddleston Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
second part
Reply
:iconmaidofalifetime:
MaidOfaLifetime Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2013
Waiiiit is this going to be a CronusxReaderxEridan piece. Because I could really get behind that. /If you know what I mean/
Reply
:iconhomestuck-x-reader:
Homestuck-X-Reader Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2013

I was thinking it would be a non-smut/sad, just for kicks series but

I might have it branch off.

Reply
:iconmasteriesofthegame:
Masteriesofthegame Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm sorry but I am laughing way too hard at this. XD I'm dieing here! lol
Reply
:iconhomestuck-x-reader:
Homestuck-X-Reader Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2013

Nooo! Don't die!!! *dramatically sobs on the ground*

 

Lol thank you :)

Reply
:iconmasteriesofthegame:
Masteriesofthegame Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Ur welcome~! :D

*falls dead on the ground*

Lilith: I think u killed her with ur as she puts it "awesomeness".
Reply
:iconhomestuck-x-reader:
Homestuck-X-Reader Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2013

Yay!!! :D

*stares at dead body for a second...starts going thru pockets

...finds wallet*

Faygo!!!

*runs to store with wallet*

Reply
:iconmasteriesofthegame:
Masteriesofthegame Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
*still dead but comes back as a ghost*

Too bad for u I don't have any money. *grins evily*

Lilith: Sometimes I get the feeling that ur worse then me.
Reply
:iconhomestuck-x-reader:
Homestuck-X-Reader Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013

Everyone has money :) *sells your body for medical research*

*Buys all the Faygo!!!* :D

Reply
:iconmasteriesofthegame:
Masteriesofthegame Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
*grins even more*
Well since u did that and I'm still a ghost I guess I'll have to curse u so that no matter what u do u can not drink the Faygo. 
Muahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lilith: ......
Reply
:iconhomestuck-x-reader:
Homestuck-X-Reader Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2013

You fool!

I Am The FAYGO!!!

*dun, dun, DUN!!!*

 

~Oh, is Lilith supposed to be mean? She sad that I was worse than her before.

Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconstarcheetah:
StarCheetah Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Make a part 2!!!
Reply
:iconhomestuck-x-reader:
Homestuck-X-Reader Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2013

It's on it's way. I made part one less than 30mins ago.

Gotta rest and get my thinkpan in the game :)

Reply
:iconivyvines13:
ivyvines13 Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
No resting of the thinkpan for you. You should know this by know.
Reply
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September 14, 2013
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