--- This is a world where humans and trolls live together but still have a little bit of the hemospectrum-prejudice going on. Everyone in this story is over the age of 18. Thank you---
You are laying on your couch reading lemons on Deviant Art and your moirale/friend, Eridan, isn’t bothering you for once; life is good.
“Move your glub’n feet.” Eridan mutters as he moves your feet off the couch and sits down
Never mind, life is adequate.
“Okay, I’ll move them.” You immediately press a bare foot against his face.
“Cod Damn It!” he shoves your foot away only to have the other foot press against his face.
Once this mature battle ends, your feet are in the seadweller’s lap as he flips through the TV channels. He pauses for a moment on a soap-opera but glances your way and changes to a History Channel show about an old war somewhere. Just as you get to the juicy part of your lemon Eridan starts talking.
“You knoww, I’vve reely been thinkin’ about Feff, latly. I thin…mmff!”
That second sentence was muffled by the foot you literally put in his mouth. You really didn’t think it would work but it looks like Gabby-Gills has a big mouth. Your cell phone starts to vibrate. You pull it out and answer the call, fighting with Eridan the whole time.
Dualscar’s salty accent greets you “Lass, my bonny, you knoww that I adore you and wwou…”
“What do you want?” you interrupt
“Wwhy wwould you assume that I wwould be wwanting somefin from you, lass?”
“You’re laying it on extra thick today.” You say simply. Eridan is trying to yell to Dualscar for help but it’s difficult to talk around the foot in his mouth.
“You sea, lass, our hive exploded and I’m not dealing with the boys on my ship. They’ll make a glub’en mess of evveryfin. You are the only one that reely can put up with ‘em so you’vve got to keep ‘em at your hive.”
“Eridan has a foot in his mouth, your argument is invalid.”
“Wwhat?” he ignores your vague internet reference “Lass, you havve to wwatch ‘em.”
“A wweek at most.”
“Alright, but it’ll cost you.”
“I’ll pay it, Lass.” For a moment it sounds like he is talking to someone else “I’vve gotta’ go. I’ll call you soon. I’m shore you and the boys gill get along fine.”
“Don’t you mean swimmingly?” Eridan almost has your foot out of his mouth
“Yah, Lass” speaks away from the phone “Sea you soon, bye.”
Eridan shoves your foot away and grabs your phone “Dad! No! Anyfin but –Name--, I wwon’t survvivve!.. Dad? Say somefin!”
You hear the dial tone go off.
“Wweh!” Eridan cries to himself
“Such a big guppy.” You tease
The someone knocks on the door. You get up to open it. It’s Cronus.
“Vwhat’s up, doll?” he smiles, his unlit cigeratte dangling at the corner of his mouth.
That ciggerate is mocking you. It thinks it can dangle like that without any repercussions. No, no sir, not today. You literally put your foot in Eridan’s mouth you’re on a roll.
You flick the ciggeret out of Cronus’ mouth “Come on in, Travolta.”
“Hey!” Cronus looks for the cig.
You stand by the door “Come on, Slick, in or out?”
He slowly walks in “Hovw ‘bout in and out, kitten?” he looks at your pants then winks.
You mental face-palm ‘Gog, this is going to be a long week.’